Nobody really sets out to be a complete self-centered jack-ass that endlessly annoys others. Many men and women believe that relationships are just too hard and not worth the effort. Or they believe that they have bad relationships because they are unlovable (ok, that one may be true for them so far in life because they may be a self-centered jack-ass). Many lonely and unhappy people end up with train wreck relationships accidentally because they lack a framework for healthy relationships that can make life so much easier and enjoyable.
Unconditional love is a genuine care about the happiness of another person without regard for what we might immediately get in return for ourselves.
This is not to be confused as an excuse to stay in bad relationships or to use it as leverage to get another person to stay in a bad relationship with us. Unconditional love is loving others as we would want love for ourselves. That last part is key. You see, unconditional love does not mean, “I’ll love you if you keep hurting me.”
“Spend your time on those that love you unconditionally, don’t waste it on those that only love you when the conditions are right for them.” – Unknown
Earlier in life, I went through a period where I was rather cranky at everything (and everybody). I hated my job, was in poor health, didn’t have enough money, always lacked energy, and SURPRISE my relationships were poor with others. We all have ways to justify things to ourselves. My approach at the time was to do something that I justified as “manly” which was telling myself that, “I’m a lone wolf. I don’t need others, their approval or any of their bologna” (except I didn’t use the word bologna.) Plus, I was convinced that it wasn’t my fault. Obviously, everybody else that I came in contact with was a complete idiot!
I’d get through my days constantly thinking to myself when interacting with others, “Screw this guy. He doesn’t like me or doesn’t care about me.” Or if someone didn’t immediately offer me some benefit from interacting with them that it was all just a waste of time.
It’s laughable how I look back and realize how much harder I was making my life, how much lonelier I was, and how much unhappier I was then I had to be.
Fortunately, I learned the value of great relationships. That includes marriage, family members, co-workers, and my friends. There are many kinds of love. The type of love that you have for your girlfriend or boyfriend is different than that of a friend or a child. But love is a learned practice that is a choice. Choose wisely.
I often talk about the keys to a successful life and making life easier and more enjoyable for yourself. It’s the years of working with others as an advisor that I can tell you the core things that can make your life Hard And Miserable;
- If you are a mess financially, you’ll probably have a hard life
- If you are unhealthy and always sick and tired, you’ll probably have a hard life
- If you have poor relationships and lack love in your life, you’ll probably have a hard life
- If you have poor time management skills, you’ll probably have a hard life
- If you don’t intentionally do things that add happiness and fulfillment to your life (responsibly), you’ll probably have a hard life
Relationships are key for a good successful life. Relationships are part of the framework of success. Without the love and support of others, life is going to be much harder than it must be. Life is already hard. Why make it harder on yourself with nothing but arguing, fights, and battles? When enhancing your use of unconditional love towards others, consider these important points;
- Love yourself unconditionally. We all have flaws and shortcomings. That doesn’t mean we ignore those flaws and shortcomings or use them as an excuse to punish ourselves and others.
- Love is a choice. So is hate. Unconditional love requires constant decisions based on various situations. There are many ways to offer unconditional love. It could be a listening ear, helping with a task, or words of inspiration.
- It’s most important to love unconditionally when things aren’t going right. It’s easy to love somebody when things are going great or they are a winner. It’s harder to love unconditionally when problems arise. That’s the most important time to love unconditionally.
- Don’t expect others to be able to solve all your problems. Life is full of pain. That’s part of the human experience. We all can feel depressed, inadequate, lonely, incapable, unconfident, or various other emotions at times in our lives. We all experience loss and setbacks. It’s not about eliminating the pain. It’s about reducing the suffering related to the pains of life.
We already have enough Forces of Evil working against us in life (the government, the media, Hollywood, corporate America). Unconditional love towards those that are important to you is the item that can greatly enhance your life experiences. Make relationships a principle of success in your life. Make it a part of personal excellence. Make unconditional love part of your discipline and habits that you do daily.
When you make others better, you become better yourself. It’s such a simple, effective and inexpensive enhancement to your ongoing personal transformation.